Top 5 tribute band names.

1. Radge Against the Machine. Newcastle's finest Rage Against the Machine tribute act. "F*** yee, I won't dee what you tell iz!", is how you'd imagine the song goes.

2. Bi Jovi. A tribute to Bon Jovi from years back who seemed blithely unaware that 'bi' is common slang for bisexual, causing all manner of mistaken identity japery, one can only hope. Now known as By Jovi, still squeezing into those leather trousers...

3. Wiggy Plop and the Scrooges. Inspired by Iggy Pop and the Stooges, Wiggy and his Scrooges played at the Cluny CBGB party in Newcastle, 2003. Featured yours truly as Wiggy Plop...

4. A shout has to go out to Jarrow Elvis's former comprade, Hebburn Cliff. (Anyone wondering what I'm going on about should head to YouTube and type in 'jarrow elvis' for a trip to the weird side of tribute acts.)

5. Janet Street Preachers. Truly strange band who perform Manics classics wearing ludicrous wigs and huge false teeth. Sadly for you, they only ever play gigs inside my head.

top 5 celebbies getting on my wick right now

1. The B52's. New album, 'Too Zany For Pension Plans' (probably) is out soon. It'll be like the last Harry Potter book down at HMV when that bad boy comes out.

2. Duffy, just for not being as good as the hypesters tried to hype her as. You're alright, luv, but you're no Amy Winehouse, which leads me to...

3. Blake Fielder-Civil-Lawsuit-Winehouse. I simply don't like the cut of his jib, and his eyes are too close together.

4. Alex James from Blur. Have you read his autobiography? Talk about bland, man. About as far from warts and all as you can possibly imagine. And stop banging on about your cheese-making all the live-long day as well.

5. Avril Lavigne. Her version of Coldplay's The Scientist is the lamest thing I've ever heard. Naff karaoke. Coldplay's version of Sk8r Boi kicks ass, though...

Ettrick's top ten encounters with pop stars.

1. Being congratulated by all of Klaxons for being a totally snappy dresser, Middlesborough, 2006.

2. Receiving a withering stare from Sir Cliff Richard after chirpily complimenting him on his unpleasant snakeskin shirt, also 2006.

3. Shaking the hand of Mr Chip Taylor AKA the bloke who wrote Wild Thing AKA Jon Voight's brother AKA Angelina Jolie's uncle, 2004 at the Cluny in Newcastle.

4. Advising Mary Mary, (male) singer in seminal 80's Grebo band, Gaye Bykers On Acid, on the best place in Newcastle to buy a second-hand pair of Levis in 1986.

5. Very nearly getting into a fight with Sid from lamentable 80's Warholesque no-hit wonders Birdland after I refused him one of my ciggies backstage at the Riverside circa 1987.

6. Playing a gig supporting Huw Lloyd-Langton of Hawkwind at the Broken Doll in Newcastle in 1988. Had a chat with him, lovely fella. Played with him again six weeks later in Sunderland; he had no memory of ever having met us before...

7. Watching W.Axl Rose display early signs of being actually a bit mad in 1987. I was in the front row at Newcastle City Hall and a mate of mine made it onto the stage. Waxl grabbed him by the seat of his pants and the scruff of his neck - he landed on his head in row four, and was out cold for two minutes.

8. Going to see the Velvet Underground Reunion in Edinburgh in 1993 and then hustling Big John, the massive guitarist from the Exploited, playing pool in a bar somewhere. I whupped his ass three times on the trot and was King of the Table.
The Velvets were rubbish, mind.

9. Sitting in Shitdisco's minibus on the way to London while Jim Kerr from Simple Minds (who I was doing a phone interview with at the time) laughed heartily and saluted them for the genius of their name over the loudspeaker on my mobile.

10. Encountering a spectacularly spannered Johnny Thunders backstage at Newcastle Riverside in 1989. He made a rather lewd pass at my mate's girlfriend, angry words and shoves were exchanged and never did the phrase ' don't meet your heroes' ring more true.

disco.gif (GIF Image, 604x403 pixels)

disco.gif (GIF Image, 604x403 pixels)

my heart belongs to Glasgow.

I was at a charity event in Glasgow last night. Someone splashed out £25, 000 on a pair of Led Zep tickets.
More startlingly, someone else paid two grand for Wet Wet Wet's autographs.
Weirdest of all, I got a call from a very drunk Scottish woman at 5.30 in the morning, accusing me of hiding my business card in her bra...

Ettrick's Electrick Pop Quiz Answers.

1. Name three number one singles that don't feature the song's title in the lyrics - there are at least four that I know about. There are loads, as I discovered on a local music forum recently. Dub be Good to Me by Beats International, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers, The Chicken Song by Spitting Image and a canny few more, he said, somewhat unprofessionally.

2. Everyone knows Mull of Kintyre, but it was actually a double A-sided record. What was the other side called? It was called Girls' School, and it wasn't very good.

3. Which famous-for-moaning idiot once proclaimed that "Reggae is vile"? Morrissey...

4. Out of the four original Ramones, (Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee, Tommy) which one is still alive? Tommy.

5. The Newcastle band Orange Lights feaure the former keyboard player/songwriter from which multi-million selling chart band? The Lighthouse Family.

6. What was the name of TV Presenter Lauren Laverne's band? Kenickie.

7. Which city are The View from? (Extra point if you can name the actual suburb.) The View are from Dryburgh in Dundee.

8. Which Rolling Stones album featured a graffitied toilet wall for a cover? Beggars Banquet.

9. Name the infamous 1980's anarcho-punk band infamous for albums like Penis Envy and songs such as How Does It Feel To Be The Mother Of A Thousand Dead - about the Falklands Conflict? Crass.

10. Is there anything strange about Ken Boothe's 1974 number one, Everything I Own? He gets the words wrong and sings 'anything I own' all the way through (which also qualifies the song as an answer to question # 1).

Viva Glasvegas!

Imagine if the Proclaimers had been influenced by the Jesus and Mary Chain and then got Phil Spector in to produce; you've just imagined Glasvegas
Daddy's Gone is possibly the most perfect song I've heard so far this year, please check them out.

Ettrick's sunday morning listening.

The mrs was out, I was tidying the house, and this is what I listened to.

THE LIBERTINES - UP THE BRACKET - if there's a finer opening lyric for a song than "Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?" then I've yet to hear it.

AMY WINEHOUSE - BACK TO BLACK. Once more, the tabloids are in a flap about a young person taking drugs. Look, that's what young people do, get over it. Most stop, some die. Them's the breaks.

BOB MARLEY - EXODUS - the mrs hasn't sussed this yet, but as soon as I hear her car outside, I always reduce the volume and stick this on as it cheers her up no end. Proof that music can be a mood-altering substance.

Ettrick's Electrick Pop Quiz.

1. Name three number one singles that don't feature the song's title in the lyrics - there are at least four that I know about.
2. Everyone knows Mull of Kintyre, but it was actually a double A-sided record. What was the other side called?
3. Which famous-for-moaning idiot once proclaimed that "Reggae is vile"?
4. Out of the four original Ramones, (Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee, Tommy) which one is still alive?
5. The Newcastle band Orange Lights feaure the former keyboard player/songwriter from which multi-million selling chart band?
6. What was the name of TV Presenter Lauren Laverne's band?
7. Which city are The View from? (Extra point if you can name the actual suburb.)
8. Which Rolling Stones album featured a graffitied toilet wall for a cover?
9. Name the infamous 1980's anarcho-punk band infamous for albums like Penis Envy and songs such as How Does It Feel To Be The Mother Of A Thousand Dead - about the Falklands Conflict?
10. Is there anything strange about Ken Boothe's 1974 number one, Everything I Own?

Obviously, you could Google all this in a minute, but where's the fun in that? Answers next week...

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette.

Today I am tidying my gaff listening to a CD called 'Cigarettes and Alcohol', which came free with this month's Mojo magazine.
Cover-mount freebies are often a bit duff, but this one has got class to spare.
Best song title? It's got to be Nina Simone's Give Me a Pigfoot and a Bottle Of Beer.

Top 10 acts/albums that make eclectic Ettrick feel electric.

1. Leonard Cohen. Been kicking around my head all my life, pretty much, courtesy of my occasionally baleful and mournful dear old dad. Laughin' Len tells it like it is, love hurts like buggery sometimes, but maybe we're all masochists at heart.

2 . Ramones, especially their It's Alive double album. Essence of Young Dumb Fun captured on wax.

3. The Stooges. Essence of Young Dumb NO Fun captured on wax.

4. Sex Pistols. Essentially, a snotty Cockney with mad hair, shouting "Young man, all things are possible!" at my 13 year-old self, while Chuck Berry went berserk stood next to him.

5. Soft Cell. "And if I die before I wake up, pray the Lord don't smudge my makeup." Cheers for getting me in touch with my feminine side and Rimmel eyeliner, fellas, I got all the girls, I got all the girls...

6. The Sisters of Mercy - First and Last and Always album - AKA Leonard Cohen for 80's Nuclear War Doom Goth Kids, but danceable.


7. Lords of the New Church. Hilarious goth/punk supergroup who sang about conspiracy theories involving Nazi gold and the Pope. Should really have been the biggest band ever, but the public weren't having their shonky, voodoo rock, cocaine and whiskey-induced stupidity.

8. Iggy Pop without the Stooges esp. The Idiot and Lust For Life. Iggy and Bowie together. The first is sparse, paranoid disco music, the second is a raucous get-together, all urgent, tribal drumming and sloppy vocal mis-cues.

9. Manic Street Preachers, for wanting to be "As political as Public Enemy and as massive as Guns 'n' Roses" on their debut album, and then promising to split up once they'd made it massive. 17 years down the line and still going strong, hats off to their chutzpah.

10. Shitdisco, because they informed me that the world is doomed, so we might as well all have a dance and a laugh, which was precious information to me at the time.

Today's pick from the living room floor CD pile are Jakobinarina
Imagine an Icelandic Razorlight without the chest-thumping and the tedious obsession with rock'n'roll mythology. Their album is called The First Crusade and it's on the Regal label.
"I wonder why I like real girls less than Hollywood stars?", they ask on Sleepless in Seattle.
Damn, I was really enjoying that but my dear wife has just come home, thus ending my brief music-at-volume session.
She's off on holiday for ten days tomorrow, so if you happen to be walking near Jesmond Dene over the next few days and you hear some kind of mad racket going on at serious volume levels, that'll be me, taking revenge on my student neighbours for their recent fire-juggling-in-the-street antics.

Shitdisco cancel American tour.

Lightweights.
No seriously, get well soon, love.

Ettrick's top song tips #1

Never, ever use the line "Don't play with fire or you'll get burned", or any variations thereof, because I'll just leap across the room and turn your CD off instantly, in case you do it again.

o'death head of steam, hallowe'en

Today, I have been feeling the love for o'death, folk-punks from NYC.
Y'all can check them out at http://www.myspace/odeath and they play Newcastle for the first time ever this Hallowe'en at the Head of Steam, opposite the Central Station.